A seductively elusive male, characterised by nocturnal habits and inconsistent contact. His sexual habits are likely promiscuous, as these woodland critter men enjoy uninhibited roaming across many urban lady gardens
In courtship, Hedgehogs will ward off any overly emotional or overweight advances with sharp spikes of sarcasm and seething disinterest. However, after being drugged with appropriate pussy food, many have been known to enjoy a belly rub and may request their female perform domestic duties such as making a cup of tea.
When Hedgehogs are found in an anti-social ball (characterised by a protrusion of spiny, venomous complaints from the mouth) an approach is not advised. However, if advancement is necessary; compliments, gentle head rubbing and Haribo have been used as semi-successful distractions that may lesser the risks of being emotionally lanced.
Despite their independent and prickly natures, Hedgehogs are often welcomed into many love life habitats, including: taxis, nesting beds, casinos and nightclub terraces. It has been suggested this is due to their wit and handsome, short legs. Whilst Hedgehogs dwell alone, they may be found to emit a distinctive whining noise via voicemail/text message when separated from a mate.
Natural predators include strikingly beautiful, charming females, who find the Hedgehog cute, so smoothing their natural defences with compliments and not too deep sex.
'Did you see Harriet's face at the coffee shop today? It was contorted in pain, like it had been mercilessly attacked by the confusing behaviour of a love interest'
'...She's tried to hug the Hedgehog again'.